Red flags are warning signs that appear during dating, and that indicate problems, miscommunication, or challenges in the long run.
Examples of dating red flags are:
- possessivity
- ghosting
- talking only about themselves
- withholding affection
- avoiding difficult conversations
- gossiping about their ex
- being very mysterious
- leaving your house after having sex
- playing hot and cold
… and of course, the list can continue.
Generally speaking, red flags can be physical, emotional, and mental. It is always better to identify them early dating stages and take action. Because going into a committed relationship with someone who clearly shows you they have issues, dysfunctional behavior, or simply treating you like an option can be a huge problem later on.
Most of the time, especially for women, we ignore those red flags. It’s incredible because they are so obvious, but the desire to have a partner most of the time wins.
And here we are, we wake up one day in that fantasy relationship that we dreamt about, but the reality is that we are being caught in something that doesn’t work.
That’s why I always say I would rather be single than in the wrong partnership. Being single is freedom, and it’s an open door allowing you to meet the right person. Being with the wrong partner it’s the opposite. It’s a closed door blocking new energy from entering your life. It’s a cage.
This is why most people end up in therapy or coaching.
Why do we ignore those SO obvious red flags:
- We think we don’t know the person well enough and need more time to figure things out.
- We don’t trust our judgment enough. We identify the red flags, but we think we might be wrong.
- There is no self-respect. If we tolerate abusive behavior means we don’t think we deserve better. Period.
- We think of the red flags as situations that happened by mistake, or random and will never happen again.
- We believe we can change or, even worse, fix the other person.
- We believe that we will get into a relationship, and things will work no matter what.
- We think no relationship is perfect and can’t have it all anyway.
- We want to be in a relationship so badly that it is easier to find excuses for the other person rather than assess the facts.
- We think if we say too much, we are too demanding and should be coyer.
- We think we can put up with it for the sake of that commitment we crave so much.
All the above are very destructive, and all those reasons are equally wrong. For ourselves, first of all.
Closing our eyes in front of these situations that are clearly screaming “red flag, red flag” will take us to that labeled (or not) commitment that we desperately want. But how are things gonna evolve long term?
Red flags in the early stages of dating can be subtle or obvious. If a red flag appears more than once, it’s essential to take note before the relationship goes too far. Because what will happen once will happen twice … and more.
My advice: We all want a partner and a happy labeled partnership. Not just women, but men too. And compromise and understanding are always part of the deal. But ignoring red flags will only bring you pain in the long run.
Also, pretending everything is ok when it isn’t – is not the best solution.
Don’t do this to yourself. Take some time off, be single for a while and wait for better opportunities. The right people will always find a way to come into your life. I promise.
Much Love,
Iris
Have you ever ignored red flags for the sake of being in a relationship? How did it go? I would love to hear about your experience. Drop me a comment down below.
