I love you guys for so many reasons, but I’m not with you on this one. I can’t. If I had a nickel for the times when I heard women saying that all they meet is committed men who want to have fun outside their relationship, I would be rich.
These men love their girlfriends and wives, and they also respect them. Of course, love and respect have different meanings for them than for us, especially in this context.
So many men think if they are men by nature and good partners, they can have the best of both worlds. They take care of the house, provide for the family and fulfill their duties, and once they are out, the world is their oyster.
Unfortunately, it’s not just the girl’s stories that I hear. I know so many guys personally that do this. Some are acquaintances, and some are friends. Wonderful 😀 – I hope you felt the irony.
The typical scenario. You are a bachelor and wanna settle down. You meet this girl, you start dating, you fall in love. Things get serious. You move in together. She is the chosen one. She’s a keeper. But at the same time, you flirt, date, and sleep with other girls.
When you still have a girlfriend at home. And actually, things go well, and you are even thinking of getting married.
Why are you doing this? Why? Constantly looking in the eyes of the woman you love (allegedly) and lying to her. Cheat on her.
Why don’t you just stay a bachelor? Because society or your parents are pressuring you to tick a box? Because all your friends are married? Because you wanna be a father someday?
Dude, just stay single. It’s fairer than mocking and misleading an innocent human being.
Women cheat as well. But you know what the difference is? I am not saying this to defend women, I am just explaining the psychological facts.
When we cheat, we do it because things are not working anymore. Something is wrong.
You guys do it when things are perfectly in motion, and nothing is dysfunctional. But you have to take your pants off as much as you can. Or, as a friend of mine says, I can’t eat chicken every day. At least he is single but most likely he will be a cheater someday.
By my nature, I am a very forgiving and patient woman. If shit accidentally happens, eh, I might pretend nothing occurred. But if it is more than that, I will show you the door. You are welcome to get the hell out because it means that you do not appreciate our couple life. Therefore you are welcome to go back to your single life where you can screw and score as much as you like. If we are not together anymore, this will not affect me.
Frankly, If I am with a cheater, I would like someone to tell me the truth. I might not believe it in the first place, but it will give me food for thought. And hopefully, I will not waste my time and marry him. I don’t wanna live a lie and a so-called happy married life.
I Want To Tell You A Little Story That Fits The Context.
I already mentioned a few bits and pieces of it in Thank You Berlin. In 2010 when I moved to Germany, I taught salsa at a dance studio. And I met this guy. He was one of my students. Handsome German guy. Tall, brown hair, green eyes, fit, crazy charming, and sensual. Oh my Lord, that voice … Spoke really good English, and on top of that, he was a cardiologist. I mean, who wouldn’t love to date a heart doctor? 😀
He kept chasing me for weeks, and I found out he had a girlfriend. She was from the same city but studying abroad at that time. I confronted him, and he admitted. Anyway, he seemed to be so out of that relationship and I was already feeling alone and lost in Berlin. He was so sweet and sexual and so after me. Therefore I fell for it. Sex was out of this world. Probably the best I ever had. Maybe because he was a doctor :))
We were “dating” for about 3 months until he went to see her in Australia, where she was doing a Master’s Degree. He left me with the impression that he would break up with her. He gave me hope … While he was there, we were also communicating once in a while, so things seemed to be ok. When he returned, he told me they were still together and asked me, What, you thought I would leave her? He broke my heart in pieces. Pieces which I collected from the floor for a long year after that.
For obvious reasons we stopped seeing each other. He told me that he would take his girlfriend to the salsa classes I was teaching once she returned. This never happened. Do you know what I did? I was so angry and hurt. I created a fake Facebook account and sent her an anonymous letter in German telling her what her boyfriend was doing while she was away. A few days later, I found out from a common friend that they had a big-ass dramatic fight, and most likely, she will break up with him.
The epilogue of this story is that she forgave him; they got married and had a couple of kids.
Did it make me feel better? Yes, but my heart was still broken at that time, he didn’t choose me, and I suffered like a dog for almost a year. Did she deserve to know? Yes, she did. After that, it was her choice if she would stay with him or not.
Moral Of The Tale For Women.
- Don’t Get Involved With Men That Are Committed.
- Even If He Decided To Dump Her And Stay With You, He Could Do The Same To You. Karma Is A Bitch Sometimes.
In my case, he gave me hope. But so many guys will tell you straight from the beginning that they only want to have some fun. Because they are bored, they have a long-distance relationship, or they just can’t be with one woman.
This is still not an excuse.
Why Do Men Who Love Their Girlfriends Cheat On Them?
VALIDATION
Look for external validation that makes them feel more masculine and in control. For some men, a woman can mean their entire world, and for many other guys, the whole world means more and more women. The one at home is great but not enough.
VARIETY
Like my friend said, having chicken every day is no fun, and doing the same thing every day is so dull …with the same person … I mean, relationships get stale with time, and the excitement and the passion you had, in the beginning, fade away. But instead of putting so much energy and effort into going out and having fun with other women, why don’t you use the same to revitalize your own marriage or relationship?
TEMPTATION
They can’t resist in front of a beautiful woman. Poor them. They are such weak creatures 😀
EMOTIONALLY IMMATURE
Family, friends, and society pushed them into a commitment they were not ready to take.
So they try to make the best out of it with the woman they think it’s meant for them. But on the other hand, they can’t wait to get out of that door to living the life they really want to.
ADVENTURE
Obviously, they get quickly bored at home. Same routine, same woman, same conversations. And, of course, it is easier to get out of the house and look for more excitement and fun times.
THEY ARE MEN 😀
And men’s nature is to hunt. Continuously, and it’s their right by birth. After hunting, they are entitled to come back home to a cozy environment, a warm bed, and hug an honest person. Because they are men … really??
I was in the same situation with the Psycho. He did the same for almost seven years, and I didn’t think of anything as I was young and innocent and scared of what he might do to me If I dig deeper to figure things out. Years later, after I broke up with him, I realized that this was all he was doing. Flirting and sleeping with other women. And it all made sense. Those long weekends when I was alone, me continuously calling a switched-off phone for days, excuses and lies.
Bottom line, If you are single, both men and women, and there is no one at home you could hurt, you can have all the fun in the world. Do what you want, no regrets. Live to the fullest.
But when someone is waiting for you, someone that gave you her trust, time, and love, do you have the heart to do this? And to look in her eyes after that? Sadly I know the answer. YES.
Have you ever found out he is cheating on you? What did you do?
